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Well now, partner, you ain't seen nothin' till you've met/seen/witnessed these adorable/fierce/mighty little pups. They ain't your grandma's lap dogs, no sir. These here pugs are struttin' around Texas with pistols/shotguns/revolvers strapped to their tiny backs, lookin' like they just walked outta a John Wayne movie/western/flick. You gotta see it

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Down here in Alabama, life ain't always peaches and pecan pie. Sometimes it's/it gets/you get real hairy, you know what I mean? That's why a lot of folks carry heat, just to feel safe. We call 'em "gun plugs" down South, the guys who sell them pieces/tools/weapons. They got connections, they know the streets, and they can get you set with whatever